I’ve seen a quote over and over these last couple weeks, it’s burrowed itself into my mind and wrapped its roots around my heart: “All mothers were summoned when he called out for his Mama.” These are intense and wild times of change we are currently living in. George Floyd’s death has lit the match that will slowly burn away all the unhealthy brush in this country. But this quote got me thinking about our role, our responsibility as mothers to raise good, kind, humans who see and know and stand up for diversity. Which led me back to a personal project I started in February of 2017. My own baby wasn’t even a year old yet, and I had this idea to take one roll of B&W film of 9 mothers (the 10th, as you’ll see, would be of myself). To document their part of the journey that is motherhood, right where they were — messy buns, laundry baskets, little to no makeup, and wild children. I partnered with the beautiful mother behind The Bee & The Fox and suited up each mom in a t-shirt with a powerful message. 

I shot those 9 rolls of film over the span of a year (2017-2018) and then just stopped. I never got around to taking that 10th roll of myself and my daughter because it turns out that taking self portraits on film with a little munchkin is VERY hard. And so, just 2 weeks ago, I put my camera in my cousin’s hands and we finished my project. 

Over the past 3 years, each of these mamas’ lives have changed SO MUCH. Most of them have 2nd, 3rd or even 4th babies now. But the common thread is that all these children have grown immensely. They are growing into big people with big ideas and big opinions, they are observing and learning even when we aren’t paying attention. Looking back through this film, I see how different each of these mothers are. Some were on the doorstep to motherhood, some had just barely passed the threshold, and one is even a single mother in her 60’s. One of these moms entered motherhood as a teenager, one of these moms has a son on the Spectrum, one was going through a divorce, and one was ready to welcome her 2nd child into the construction zone of their home. Not one single journey into and through motherhood is the same. Yet we are all connected by a common thread. 

Of the 36 frames of each mother, I did my best to select the images that represent everything that motherhood is: the overwhelming love & joy, paired with the exhaustion & strength we must carry.  I asked each mama a series of 4 questions, the answers to which you can read below as you enjoy my newest (and completed!) series:

“MAMA” 

Kati
If you can teach your daughters one thing in this life, what would that be?
Arghghhh. Everything. I would teach them everything. I have no good answer for this. Is there a german word that rolls kindness, boldness, confidence, dedication and wisdom into one compact idea? That’s the word I would choose.

Favorite part about being a mom? 
The golden moments. You know, the ones that just pop out of nowhere and usually seem wildly inconvenient before spinning into something unforgettable, beautiful or hilarious. Those are the times I can almost feel my girls growing and changing, those are the times when I think we learn something deeper about each other and I’m a little less afraid of fucking up this parenting thing.

Hardest part about being a mom? 
The fears. They come in all forms but, for me, the hardest has always been the fear of screwing up. I remember when my oldest was born it felt like I had landed on a planet where nothing I did seemed right. I’ve never wrestled with self-doubt the way I do as a parent. Some of that is my personality. Some of that is just being aware of what a big deal this gig is, I guess. And so far that doubt it’s still there, but I use it or I ignore it or I melt down and then pick myself up and carry on, as one does.

Motherhood to you, in one word?
Adaptation.
Motherhood is fulfilling, but not always. It’s adventurous, but not always. Sometimes it’s fun and sometimes it feels like darkness, it can be lonely and mind-numbingly boring. It is something that has demanded constant restructuring from me.

Sierra
If you can teach your daughter one thing in this life, what would that be?
I hope to teach her to be a kind person, and to treat others well. There are few things more valuable than kindness in this world nowadays.

Favorite part about being a mom? 
As much as I’m learning about her and who she is in these first weeks, I’m also learning so much about myself. So, my favorite part is learning to be more selfless, more giving, more patient.

Hardest part about being a mom?
That selflessness and giving is also the hardest part for me. Being needed by someone 24/7 is completely exhausting in every single way. But I think it can be equally as rewarding, if I make that active choice for it to be so. It’s hard work, but good things can come out of all the exhaustion!

Motherhood to you, in one word?
BALANCE. It’s easy to forget to take care of yourself when your life suddenly becomes about taking care of someone else. aka I’ll never take a 10 minute shower for granted ever again. Ever.

Dom
If you can teach your kids one thing in this life what would that be?
I can only hope to teach my kids how to be resilient; how to be fulfilled, confident, strong, secure and humble. Despite whatever adversities they may face or the lies that society tells them about who they should be.

Favorite part about being a mom:
Just getting to be a mom. I have always been very close to my own mom and she continues to be one of the most important people in my life. Having the opportunity to be that person for my own children is an honor. Not everyone has the opportunity to be a mom. Some people choose not to be a mom. And some people don’t. Either way, I am lucky enough to be a mother to two healthy children. That’s not something I ever take for granted.

Hardest part about being a mom?
On the due date of my daughter, and first child, I received this text message from a close family friend: “Happy baby due date. Enjoy this very fleeting time that separates the day where your heart lives inside your body from the day your heart forever lives outside your body in that of your child”. I didn’t realize what this meant until TWO WEEKS later, when my daughter finally arrived. Making the choice to wear your heart outside of your body, and expose it to all of the unknowns, feels so wrong. My heart was meant to be in my body, where it is safe and sound. The vulnerability associated with losing all control of what happens to the most important part of you isn’t just hard, it can be tortuous at times.

Motherhood to you, in one word
Humbling

Lindsey
If you can teach your kids one thing in this life, what would that be?
If I could teach my child one thing, it would be that every day is beautiful. Sometimes you might have to look harder than other times, but, there is SO MUCH joy, love, and light in this life. Don’t take it all for granted, enjoy all the little moments and memories that life has to offer you.

Favorite part about being a mom?
My sweet love is still in my belly, but my favorite part about being a mom, so far, is the anticipation and the excitement of being a mom! I can’t wait to meet our little human, watch him/her grow, enjoying every moment along the journey. There is so much build-up to that first moment you get to meet the little baby that has been growing inside you for so long, I have never been so excited for one moment in my entire life.

Hardest part about being a mom?
I going to say so far, patience is the hardest part about being a mom! Remembering to enjoy the ride, instead of constantly looking to the future. I’m sure this will also come in to play once I have our human on the outside of my body! But for now, remembering to slow down and be patient can be quite difficult. And when I do, there is nothing sweeter than savoring each second of our little love growing. Each kick, roll, and hiccup reminds how precious each day is, and that every moment should be cherished – no matter how much you can’t wait for the next moments to happen! Enjoy the moment you are in, because before you know it, it’s gone.

Motherhood to you, in one word?
Beautiful

Sabrina
If you can teach your kids one thing in this life, what would that be?
Confidence in Christ and what He says about them. 

Favorite part about being a mom?
Watching them discover and learn new things. 

Hardest part about being a mom?
Sleep deprivation. 

Motherhood to you, in one word?
Purpose. 

Bethany
If you can teach your daughter one thing in this life, what would that be?
It is incredibly important to always strive to be your whole honest self–and with that remember that “hurt people–hurt (other) people”

Favorite part about being a mom?
Sharing blood. Being adopted means that sharing blood/DNA with someone is the most incredible thing.  Being able to recognize and relate on a different level (even with a 3 year old) than i have ever had with anyone.  I think people take that for granted. It’s not the most important thing but it’s a gift that I am didn’t receive until my 30’s.

Hardest part about being a mom?
Being screamed at all day long (or week, or month), ruthlessly, without gratitude, remorse, or consideration of your feelings by a tiny boss lady.

Motherhood to you, in one word?
Hopeful.
Hopeful that you’re not scarring this tiny person for you life. Hopeful that one day they will appreciate you and all you’ve done. Hopeful that they will make good choices and be successful at whatever they chose. Hopeful they will live a healthy long life. Hopeful that you will get to see it all.  Hopeful that you will be one of those families that remain close and your kid wants to hang out with you and be around you as they get older. My fingers are permanently crossed. And my toes.

Bri
If you can teach your sons one thing in this life, what would that be?
That in the end there are no BIG DEALS. Nothing that cannot be reorganized or renegotiated, or rewritten that is so terrible as to knock you off your platform of NOW. I hope to give them the confidence and skills to know they can HANDLE IT. However big or small the IT is. I want to teach them how to do that with laughter, humility when they get it wrong, and pride when they get it right.

Favorite part about being a mom?
Seeing my genes manifest in front of me in peculiar and interesting ways. When my kid makes a face I used to make as a kid; when I find my eldest asleep on the couch in the living room at 4am (which I used to do). It feels like a wonderful intersection of nature and nurture, and I want to nurture them in ways I wasn’t, so they can fully become themselves in a way I feel I’m still becoming.

Hardest part about being a mom?
When you see your genes manifest before you, and you’re reminded that karma is real, and this hellion child is YOUR SKIN AND BONES. For me, seeing your child struggle in the same ways you struggled, and not being able to take it for them is very difficult. But perhaps that is why and how we become who we are.

Motherhood to you, in one word?
Beautiful-Monster

Kelsey
If you can teach your kids one thing in this life, what would that be?
To know that they are unconditionally loved and relentlessly pursued by the God of the universe.

Favorite part about being a mom?
Watching them learn and grow and become these amazing little people with unique gifts and personalities.

Hardest part about being a mom?
Having too many expectations of myself.

Motherhood to you, in one word?
Fulfilling 

Kate
If you can teach your daughter one thing in this life, what would that be?
I would want to teach her to have a relationship with her Creator. The One who knows what she was created for and wants to guide her into goodness. The One that loves her more than we can ever imagine and where she can find comfort.

Favorite part about being a mom? 
My favorite part about being a mom is everything, no, really.
Well, except for the hardest part. I don’t like that part…

Hardest part about being a mom?
The hardest part of being a mom is having to stand back and allow your children to make mistakes or learn the really hard lessons that they can only learn on their own.

Motherhood to you, in one word?
JOY. Yes, that is definitely the word. Joy.

Sarah
If you can teach your daughter one thing in this life, what would that be?
Compassion, for others & for herself. 

Favorite part about being a mom?
The way she teaches me to slow down and pay attention, to be present in my own life. 

Hardest part about being a mom?
Having my heart walk around outside my body, knowing that I cannot fully protect her.
That, and learning patience & grace in the most challenging way of all time. Every hour of every day. 

Motherhood to you, in one word?
Unexpected.